Dale Carnegie is Right!

Today my husband and I got our drivers licenses renewed. I was prepared to wait for an eternity but surprisingly it wasn't too busy. A man helped us at the information desk and I decided while watching him that I would try some new skills I'm learning from Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends and Influence People.

He asked us if we knew a gentleman with our same last name. My husband responded that he didn't and the subject seemed to be dropped. But I noticed he was interested in his friend so I said enthusiastically, "I bet his a great guy though!"

The man immediately brightened up and said, "You better believe he's a **** good person." He proceeded to tell us exactly what we should do so that we could be helped the quickest. And then, while we filled out our applications in the waiting area, he came over and gave us numbers so that we would be called next! He totally went out of his way just because I had showed interest in a friend of his. I'm a convert : )

Reprogramming the Elephant

I recently listened to a talk about the concept of the subconscious vs. the conscious mind. In the speech by Orrin Woodward, he refers to the book The Ant and the Elephant: Leadership For the Self by Vince Poscente. I have yet to read the book but it is definitely on the must-read list.

The basic idea is that as humans, we have so much untapped potential in our subconscious minds. The subconscious mind fires something like 4 billion neurons per second while the conscious mind fires approximately 2,000 neurons per second. The author compares the subconscious with all this activity to an elephant while the conscious mind is likened to an ant.

How do we tap into that powerful potential of our elephants? When you think about how much an elephant eats compared to an ant, you can easily understand that our elephants eat everyday, whether or not WE feed it. Our minds are constantly being programmed with images, ideas, scripting, etc. Take for example watching the television. Images are constantly flashing on our mind's eye with words and ideas. Just the thought makes me feel vulnerable.

I remember after serving a mission for my church, some friends took me to a movie. It was one of the "Mission Impossible" movies and I just remember feeling assaulted. It was an overload of visual chaos to me after not having watched any kind of show for almost 2 years.

Media is not the only food we feed our elephants. Each of us has a script running through our minds. We are constantly creating our story by the way we think of ourselves, our relationships and surroundings, etc. Have you ever stopped to think, "What am I thinking?"

In order to tap into the power of the elephant and get him to do what our ant wants, we need to reprogram him. Positive affirmations are one way we can do this. I pay attention to my negative scripting and then rewrite my story according to what I really want. Then I read them to myself at least once a day.

My husband and I also have a HUGE vision board on the wall in our room with images that show our affirmations. We started writing things on our mirror 10 years ago when we wanted to move back to the west to be near my father-in-law who was in poor health. We posted a map with stickers on the cities we would like to live and we wrote on it: "We are back in the west by Oct. 2003". Within a month of that date we were moving into our new house in one of the cities with a sticker on it.

Reprogramming the elephant really works. I want to be in charge of what I put into my mind! Imagine what we can do if the elephant and the ant worked together to accomplish our personal purposes while we are here on earth. I can see the ant riding the elephant right now...I got another image for my vision board!

Heart at Peace

I just finished participating in an introductory series of webinars for the Leadership Education Family Builder program offered by Diann Jeppson and Jodie Palmer (which I highly recommend for those of you who are applying a TJEd philosophy in your homes). The first session focuses on our first job as parents to build, nurture and heal relationships in our family. They use the Arbinger Institute philosophy to show how to accomplish this job.

In the webinar, Jodie referenced an article entitled Parenting Pyramid you can download from their website and I would again highly recommend it and any of their books. The Arbinger Institute's main premise is that there are two ways to do anything--with a heart at peace or a heart at war. When your heart is at war you treat others like objects while with a heart of peace you realize that others are human beings.

It is all too easy with 5 children to get caught up in getting things checked off my list or herding my family around to various activities--too easily my children can become objects to move from here to there. I have really stilled myself in the last couple of weeks and made myself aware of my heart especially during morning devotional and learning time.

This has helped me to create and nurture quality relationships with my children. All of our learning has been more effective as we focus on treating each other with respect. Morning devotional (minus a two-year old) is more peaceful.

However, I should have entitled this post "No Pain, No Gain" since I have been seeing myself through different eyes and what I see is PAINFUL. As I read Bonds That Make Us Free: Healing Our Relationships, Coming to Ourselves by C. Terry Warner (an Arbinger Institute book), I see a little too clearly what a self-centered person I really am!! Ouch! Caution: Read this book when you feel good about yourself ; )

What is most fascinating is how our perceptions and experiences create a reality (that is NOT reality) in our interactions with others. We project our own ideas onto others' motives and create painful interactions with those we love! Maybe I'll post some realizations when they aren't quite so painful...

Disclaimer

A couple of months ago a friend of mine told me she stopped reading my blog because she felt overwhelmed and pressured to do what I was doing. I really had to take a step back and search my motives and intentions for this blog. I originally thought I could create a place where people would share ideas—an ongoing brainstorming session—that would get a reader’s creative juices flowing. The idea was to use what would work well for their family and disregard the rest. But was that what I was really accomplishing? Or was I simply overwhelming my readers?

I took the summer off from my blog to mull these questions over in my mind. Upon closer inspection I remembered I do have the tendency to want to fix people’s problem (I come by it honestly from my mother ; ). Perhaps that was coming through in my writing. Also as a human I think I naturally put my best foot forward—was I being authentic with my audience? I could do better with follow-up posts as well telling if things worked out over time. Perhaps most importantly I learned or relearned that each family has the ability and stewardship to know what they should be doing in their families.

My friend and I had a good talk. She told me that she had decided there were a few simple things she felt her family needed right then and that was what she was going to do. You as parents will know as you seek inspiration from God what you should be doing with your children. This is simply a place to spark ideas that will ignite your children’s fire for learning.

I have really missed posting this summer. Blogging for me is like thinking out loud. Writing helps me to wrap my mind around principles and assimilate them into my life. So when you read, please take what I say with a grain of salt and hopefully you will share some ideas and find one or two that inspire you.