In the webinar, Jodie referenced an article entitled Parenting Pyramid you can download from their website and I would again highly recommend it and any of their books. The Arbinger Institute's main premise is that there are two ways to do anything--with a heart at peace or a heart at war. When your heart is at war you treat others like objects while with a heart of peace you realize that others are human beings.
It is all too easy with 5 children to get caught up in getting things checked off my list or herding my family around to various activities--too easily my children can become objects to move from here to there. I have really stilled myself in the last couple of weeks and made myself aware of my heart especially during morning devotional and learning time.
This has helped me to create and nurture quality relationships with my children. All of our learning has been more effective as we focus on treating each other with respect. Morning devotional (minus a two-year old) is more peaceful.
However, I should have entitled this post "No Pain, No Gain" since I have been seeing myself through different eyes and what I see is PAINFUL. As I read Bonds That Make Us Free: Healing Our Relationships, Coming to Ourselves
by C. Terry Warner (an Arbinger Institute book), I see a little too clearly what a self-centered person I really am!! Ouch! Caution: Read this book when you feel good about yourself ; )What is most fascinating is how our perceptions and experiences create a reality (that is NOT reality) in our interactions with others. We project our own ideas onto others' motives and create painful interactions with those we love! Maybe I'll post some realizations when they aren't quite so painful...
I had those same painful realizations after reading The Anatomy of Peace. I realized that I treat my kids like objects way too often! When I buy a special treat for myself, and don't share with them, when I place my wants above theirs (like reading my email when they want help or attention etc). What I realized is that we CAN meet others needs without sacrificing our own needs by looking at them and their desires as EQUAL to my own, not less than. Which means sometimes my needs are important too and do have to take priority, but not nearly as often as I believed they had to.
ReplyDeleteI've had Bonds that make us free sitting on my shelf for YEARS. Maybe now's a good time .....